Today, we’re diving into a topic that digs deep into the core of many of our experiences. It’s about guilt and the relentless quest for approval. When we think about living our best lives, we often focus on being liked. We also seek the approval of others. We have been conditioned to think that being liked equates to being right, but that’s a slippery slope!

The Illusion of Approval

Just because people like you or approve of your choices doesn’t mean you are, in fact, “all right.” Sometimes, in our pursuit of acceptance, we lower our standards of living to fit into someone else’s box. It gets cozy in there, but ultimately it can leave you feeling restless and discontent.

What happens when you base your self-worth solely on others’ opinions? Well, you run the risk of becoming a people-pleaser. You know the type: always saying yes, always accommodating, just to keep everyone else happy. You get those approving nods and smiles in the moment, but eventually? The guilt creeps in because deep down, you actually resent this version of yourself.

The Vicious Cycle of Guilt and Approval

If you’re constantly chasing approval, you start to feel guilty whenever you don’t meet expectations, your own or someone else’s. Picture this: you agree to do a favor for someone when you honestly just want to do something else. You do it and they thank you. But now you’re feeling internally conflicted, and over time, that resentment bubbles up into guilt. It can become toxic internally.

And it doesn’t stop there. The moment you stop bending over backwards to please people, the guilt catches up to you. You interpret that as not being nice enough to people. This often leads you back to more people-pleasing behavior to counterbalance it. And just like that, you’re in a cycle that’s tough to escape. You become a slave and have a nervous breakdown. So how do you break free?

Own Your Feelings

First, you’re ought to really face and feel your guilt. It’s not the enemy you think it is. Quite the opposite! Guilt can be a teacher if you allow it to be. What is it telling you? You are guilty of solving guilt in the wrong way, by pleasing other people. It’s highlighting boundaries you’ve ignored or stressors you’ve accepted that don’t serve you.

Instead of shoving it under the rug, sit and think about your guilt. Are you guilty for things that don’t align with your values? Are there deeper issues at play? Knowing what you feel guilty about helps separate the truth from the noise of societal expectations. Society pressures us to seem all right when we truly aren’t. It removes guilt by eliminating conscience and seeking approval.

The Consequences

Let’s talk about the consequences of being too agreeable. Imagine a mother who’s so identified with her daughter’s happiness that she sacrifices her own. She wants to please at all costs because her own sense of security hinges on her daughter’s approval. That’s a recipe for resentment (not to mention serious emotional chaos).

Often, we find ourselves in similar predicaments. We say yes to events we’d rather skip, agree to tasks at work we don’t want to take on. We override our own desires just to keep the peace. And guess what? Resentment comes up and makes it harder to connect with that person later. A burnt-out people-pleaser isn’t much fun to be around.

Setting Boundaries

It’s all about setting boundaries to reclaim our autonomy without feeling the weight of guilt pressing down like an anvil. Learning to say no and doing it without the need for justification. If someone asks you for help and it’s genuinely not a good time for you, say so! “Sorry, I can’t make it.” That’s it! You don’t owe anyone an elaborate explanation.

When you do this, you start returning to a sense of self that isn’t swayed by others’ opinions. Your conscience begins to breathe again, and you slowly detach from that gnawing fear of not being “good enough.”

Understanding Society’s Role

Now, let’s take a critical look at society. We live in a culture that worships approval. Social media amplifies this craving for acceptance. It leads us to think we are validated by the number of people who say we’re doing great. This is a dangerous game because it gives rise to a false sense of our worth. When you chase that fleeting approval, you often ignore your inner voice. Your conscience gets muted, leading to even more turmoil inside.

When we worry about the opinions or approval of others, we experience intense anxiety. We will struggle with fear of failure or manipulate others who get in the way of our success. We feel the need for control because our identity has been intertwined with what others think or do.

Embracing Authenticity

The ultimate goal is to embrace authenticity. What does being authentic mean? It means cultivating a life that reflects who you truly are. It is not about becoming who you think others want you to be. It’s about recognizing that you are inherently valuable, regardless of external validation.

When you allow others’ opinions to dictate your worth, you become a shadow of yourself. Instead, lean into your values, passions, and even your quirks! The secret sauce of life lies in showing up as the real you, guilt and all.

The Path Ahead

It’s time to stop living in the shadow of others’ perceptions. Your life is your own. Embrace your individuality, own your choices, and acknowledge your feelings. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but the journey towards authenticity is worth every minute.

Deep down inside we’re all seeking connection, and that connection can be authentic only when we show our true selves. So go ahead, face that guilt head-on, and let it guide you to a healthier relationship with yourself and others. There’s beauty in being real.

So, let’s ditch the people-pleasing traits and the guilt that hold us captive. Live for you, not for the approval of others. Your conscience, if listened to, will lead you down a path of true satisfaction and self-acceptance. Take care and keep shining.

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