Having friends can provide a support system that bolsters your sense of self. They offer reassurance to your ego and provide comfort when needed. However, this ego reassurance can make you feel alright even when you are not all right. These lies can make you feel good about yourself.
When someone lies to us, it can make us feel good or bad. Our feelings become dependent on their lies. Relying on lies for validation can lead to a false sense of security and dependency on others’ opinions. When we feel good about ourselves we also feel guilty because we know deep down that we are not truly better. We are susceptible to temptation and continue to do more wrong.
Another Illusion
We enjoy being around friends because they boost our self-esteem. However, when they withdraw their support something strange happens. We begin to feel bad about ourselves due to their supportive lies. So, when they call us selfish, we believe it and will do anything to regain the feeling that we are okay. But we are not okay, it is just another illusion.
We have the right to refuse to do a favor for someone, even if they label us as “selfish” for not doing it. However, if we fear losing the acceptance of a friend, then they have control over our minds. They can do this by being unfriendly and making us feel guilty. We are not truly guilty for refusing to do the favor, we are guilty of doing it and thinking that others can provide us with security and make us feel right about ourselves when we are wrong.
We know when we are wrong when we look for the approval of others. Wrong people can’t bear to be alone. We are afraid of our conscience. We need to be with people and do things for them to win their approval.
When people withdraw their support, they leave us with a sense of guilt that we should have dealt with in the right way from the beginning. We should not do foolish things to hold onto friendships, especially immoral and illegal things.
A Choice
Having friends is not a necessity but rather a choice. If you have “fair-weather friends” who like you no matter how rotten you are, they are not true friends. It is better to be without them. You don’t know how to be a friend to them; in turn, they don’t know how to be a friend to you. You can be friendly, but be cautious. Don’t become too involved with friends. Be a loner, and you will find that you may be alone, but you won’t feel lonely.
It’s nice to have friends, but you shouldn’t actively seek them and become dependent on them. It would be best if you cultivated independence within yourself. Someday, you will encounter others who have also developed their independence. Then you can be friends without relying on and weakening each other.
If you need a friend, it is likely because you want something from them. You want to borrow or take something from them to fill a void, perhaps loneliness. That is unhealthy and wrong.
To be accepted by the world and its people, you must compromise your principles. “Whosoever, therefore, will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”* If you are true to yourself, they may dislike and not accept you. If you are not yourself, they will like you.
They may not appreciate your good qualities but rather your bad aspects. What is negative in you will serve them. What is negative in them will serve the negative in you. Thus, you support each other.
Suppose you cannot form such an unhealthy friendship, that benefits you. You don’t want to go against your inner nature. You don’t need friends.
Summary
Maintaining self-respect and not letting others dictate your actions or feelings is important. True growth comes from being independent and making decisions based on personal values rather than seeking external approval. It may be challenging, but striving for self-improvement without relying on others for validation is essential for personal development as a better human being.
*James 4:4
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